Looks F#cking Matter!

       I know, I know, all of the other pick-up sites tell you they don't. And for some time I even believed it. Man was I foolish...Maybe looks are not everything, but believe me looks are important.

     We are thought that men and women are very different, but that is not true. Not entirely. Put yourself in the girls shoes. Say you are in a club, or public place and you were to be hit on from all directions by all kinds of people. Now, as a human being, what people would you be more keen to socialize with? Seriously? Of course, the ones society told you are "beautiful". That can be a bummer, but that doesn't make it less true. 

       As a medium looking guy, former "not that desirable guy" I can confirm this theory. It was a trap. And everyone telling you looks don't matter is either good looking themselves or plain stupid. It is a great setback for everyone to think looks don't matter. Now, I may be opening the Pandora's box here, but I don't care. Everyone should strive to look its best. I am referring to the aspect that you can control of course...there is no point beating yourself up over the things you can't control. But, god damn, there are so many things you can better yourself at. It depends on what you believe really holds you back. Come on, you know...everybody thinks there is at least something that isn't perfect about then, if not, get the hell out of my blog!

       Now is that thing in your control? Can you change it? Are you fat? Maybe skinny? Three months at the gym and people will begin to see a new person in your body. Seriously, it will change your mentality as well. But don't stop there. Maybe your teeth are crooked... modern medicine can work wonders. A little time with braces and presto. New man! Also, don't forget about clothes. This is the easiest thing that you can control. You don't need to spend thousands of dollars on your wardrobe. That's insane in my opinion, but everybody with their style I guess. Just be sure your clothes represent you. That they are "your style". Society has already created several "styles" for you, so be sure to pick the one you are, inside, otherwise you will be perceived as someone who is incongruent, and that is unattractive. 

      So stop believing when a good looking guy tells you "Looks don't matter". I know it may be harsh to hear, but it's for your own good. So what to do? Here is a short list:

1. Stop believing looks don't matter. They do. Just look around you for Christ's sake. Do you believe good looking guys hook up with hot chicks because they both like the same Harry Potter book most? It's fricking obvious. Count how many good looking guy hook up with hot chick and how many not-that-good-looking guys hook up with hot chicks and do the math.

2. Do what you can to improve. Don't beat yourself up about things you cannot change now, and especially about things you cannot change ever, such as your eye color (Jesus, what is it with the obsession about green eyes, brown is also very attractive),height, hair (yes, there are bald people who are attractive through other traits: Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Dwaine Johnson...see a pattern? ... they all are buff).

3. Maybe...lower your standards? Yes, this was something I wasn't so happy to do either. But what is better? Having an average girl who cares about you (maybe even loves you), or beating your own meat, dreaming at the porn stars, which by the way are not 10's, but you think they are after the years of meat pwning.

4. Create your own style, or adopt one that suits you best, that is expressing who you are.

      I hope you aren't feeling too down and that you take some action, that is, constructive, of course. If there is only one thing you get out of this post is that society has made it clear who needs to hook up with who, and it is very hard to break that pattern. Some have broken the pattern and those are special cases, the exception that makes the rule stronger.

      All of this is true in its entirety for women as well. 
      Share if you agree!

      All the best!

You are afraid of success!

      Well aren't you? You know you are. You are just so up in your head you've made yourself believe that you aren't.

      Are you happy with what you have/are ? If you are than I bow down to you and pray that you will stay that way all the way up to the end of your life. Because it would suck pretty much to reach your death bed and realize you didn't achieve all that you would have liked to.

       Of course, happiness is a choice you make. You decide to be happy. It's all in your head. Because there is always someone that has more than you. There is always someone that looks better than you, or has a prettier girl/boyfriend than you. You can't beat yourself up for not being the most awesome person in the world. Even if you were the best at something, you can't be the best at everything. But back to what we started with: SUCCESS.

       What is success? Is it winning? Well it sort of is, but we are talking about success in life, not having success in a particular sport/game. Success in life is constructed upon achievements. Every time we get an achievement we experience a warm feeling, telling us we are successful. Graduation, first kiss, first good payed job taken, first child born, etc. 

       So if having success feels so nice, why are we afraid of success?

           For starters, we may have never experienced success in that particular domain. I remember back in college that I almost dropped out of school because I thought that it wasn't doing me any good finishing it, and that I am only wasting my time. Now, this maybe true, if you choose the wrong specialization, but it definitely wasn't for me, as it turned down to be. 

         It always help visualizing the victory. Imagining how good it will feel after you have reached the goal. Of course you cannot know for sure, if you haven't experienced it before. This is where reading comes in handy. You want to know how having a loving partner would feel? Read romances, and prepare for major disappointments :). Just kidding. Most romances, but especially popular ones have true to them. The same is if you strive to become a famous business man/woman. 

         What I am trying to point out is that everybody has his fears, fear of  success being just one of them. And fear of success is something that holds many people back (mostly introverts - check here for personality test). It can be a bugger also, mostly because many people don't know it exists and that they have it.

          Standard situation:

          You are a 15 years old boy. Your looks don't help you very much in getting girls, but that doesn't really bother you. You are a smart kid, and you have good grades in school, so your brain is something you consider to be on your side. You haven't experienced real hurt yet, rejection, you are unaware. This is a gift, I might say because you can imagine being rejected, but since you haven't experienced it yet, you still give it a try. So, there is this girl, the prettiest girl in class which you reaaaaly like (of course, why would you go for the fat and ugly ones, right :) ). So you make up the courage to talk to her and express your feelings, but for whatever reason, you get turned down. You feel devastated! It's over. You try again one more time, maybe she gave you a reason for her rejection that wasn't you, so you draw hope (God, I hate it when this happens), but the result is the same.

         So now you begin to rationalize, right? Because you are a smart kid, you start and think, because that is what smart kids do. So because you are rejected you begin thinking there is something wrong with you, and over time you really begin to believe that. Social media gives you examples, you compare everyday and conclude you are not good enough. 

          Time passes and you change. Slowly you change, not even noticing. You are more attentive with your looks, you improve, you become better. But no one tells you this. Not even your stupid brain. You go to a good university (because you are that smart kid) hoping for "love" (what else at this age?). But your stupid brain reminds you you have "problems", and also that you fucked up big time years ago, and man, have you felt down for 2 weeks after that rejection?

       But then, something happens. Because you became an awesome guy, you have fun and you bring value in the lives of others you meet a girl (or she meets you, because you are so up in your head and you are too afraid not to get hurt again). You have fun together, but she sees in you the seed of  self pity so she leaves you. This time you are not sad for weeks anymore. Maybe a few days. Along with the sadness it hits you...Somebody, for some time, really thought you were the best option for a relationship. And looking around you see all these other girls that might as well think that. The problem is they don't know it yet, and all you need to do is interact with them, in standard situations, so they can see the new you. The self accepted you! You begin experiencing a new level of fear. You realize you have become something else. You are smart, charismatic, you work out and have a nice body. You know you are above the average guy. Yet you are still afraid. This time you are afraid of success, because you just don't know for sure what will happen and what to do with the "prize".